Boxers Or Briefs
by passionfornight
Summary: The most important question. Boxers Or Breifs?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

Authors Note: I came up with this quickly and without much thought. Just silly one shot.

I was sitting next to Edward in his car on our way to his house when a question popped in my head.

Did Edward wear boxers, briefs, or does he go commando? I blushed profusely at the last thought and Edward looked at me.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

He smirked at me. "Really then why were you blushing?"

"No reason." I blushed more.

"Bella. Please tell me what you are thinking." He looked at me with his eyes dazzling me. They looked like puppy dog eyes. They said 'Trust me. Please.'

"Maybe I just blushed because I know that you like it."

"Bella, you would never get me to believe that. You hate blushing too much for you to do it just for me."

"Well you are always doing stuff for me. You cook, you wake me up, you buy things for me, and you love me. Plus you save my life on a daily basis. I figured that if this makes you happy then I could do it."

He looked at me for a moment confused and then just shook his head.

"I am never going to figure you out."

He looked back at the road and so did I and I saw that we were nearly at the house. All of a sudden there was a figure in front of the car. The next thing I knew was that Edward had my seat belt undone and me in his arms.

He opened the door and then rolled out of the car. There was enough momentum in the roll that we were tossed a long way.

I didn't get hurt because Edward took the entire blow, but somehow in the midst of all that I ended up under straddling his waist.

"Hello there." I panted. Even though nothing had happened to me I was still out of breath. Must have been all of that closeness to Edward and the rolling.

"Hi." He panted back. I guess that having me that close for an extended period of time and rolling had taken a toll on him too.

"Are you alright?"

"Bella I am indestructible and you are worrying about me. I should be worried about _you._"

"I'm fine. Now answer the question."

"I'm fine, but Emmet won't be. He totaled my car."

I looked over and saw that it was true. Emmet was trying in vain to bend the car into a not Emmet shape. A second later the rest of the Cullen's came out of the house.

"What happened?" This came from Alice who was making sure that there wasn't any damage to Jasper, who for some reason was on the floor.

"Emmet and I were playing a game and we ran over here and didn't here Edward coming. By the time that we knew that we were going to connect with the car it was too late." He turned to me. "We didn't even know that Bella was in the car. Are you okay?"

"Yes I am fine." Then I noticed that all of them were looking at us. "What?"

"Wow Edward, you save your girlfriend from a near death experience and then get busy." The next thing I knew a rather large and heavy rock hit Emmet in the head.

"Shut up."

"Emmet."

"Don't speak so vulgarly."

"Edward if you must throw a rock at your brother then please do so when it won't bounce off and hit someone that was standing by.

"Bella you can get off of Edward at any time."

"Oh." I looked down and realized that we were in a rather compromising position. I started to move when Edward grabbed my wrist gently.

"Let me. I don't need you to be endangering your life so soon after I saved it."

The rest of the Cullen's laughed at this and then made there way back inside.

"How are you going to get up if I am on you?"

"Easy." He lipped over so that he was over me, but I couldn't even feel the ground under me because I was on Edward's arms.

He then held me and got up. "That was interesting."

He set me down and said, "I am making him pay for a new one and it had better be exactly the same."

"Don't worry Edward. I am sure that you will get it exactly the same and that Emmet will be really nice and have Rosalie tinker with it so that it goes even faster then it would."

He put his arm around my shoulder and I noticed that I was feeling kind of cool. Sure enough when I looked down the jeans that I had been wearing were ripped in different places.

I glanced at Edward and saw that he had ripped his jeans right along the seem almost all the way up. I blushed a deep red. I could tell that Edward definitely wore boxers.

"What now?" He was smiling and rolled his eyes, but in a teasing way, not mean.

"Umm well. In the car, out of nowhere I wondered if you wore boxers or briefs or…. Well anyway, I knew that I would never be able to ask you and so I just figured that I would never find out, but I did."

"Oh really. And how per say did you find out."

"Well you see your pants are ripped almost all the way up your leg."

With a mortified look he looked down and saw what I was talking about. I knew for a fact that if he could that he would have been blushing the darkest shade that any human could get.

After composing himself he said, "So you say that I wear boxers."

"Well I do have evidence that you do," I said while pointing at his boxers.

"Well I will have you know something Bella."

"What?"

He leaned in close and just as it seemed like he was going to kiss me he said.

"I am a man of many kids of underwear….and lack there of." I blushed the darkest that I ever could, but before I could respond he ran into the house.

"EDWARD!" Blushing and very embarrassed I walked to the house. There was no way that I would ever be able to look at him with a straight and uncolored face again.

AN2: What do you think? Funny or not. I needed a break (very brief) from my other stories. I had better get back to them. Till later.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine**

**Authors Note: I meant for this to be a one shot you evil people. I can't believe it. People kept on saying is there a chance I will continue and then I thought about it and came up with this. It is not fancy or anything, but it is what I got. There is some OOC.**

I walked into Edward's room the next day and went through his drawers. He was taking a shower and I knew that he would be out soon. I quickly headed to his drawers and found a pair of pants. I glanced at the size and made a mental note as to it. I put the pants back and then sat on his couch. A second later the door to the bathroom opened and he walked out.

"Hey."

"Hi."

"You looked flushed. What are you thinking about now?"

"Nothing."

"Last time you told me that you were thinking about what kind of underwear I wore."

I blushed a light pink. I wasn't as embarrassed as I was yesterday but it was a little bit embarrassing.

"I really wasn't thinking anything. I mean it this time. I was just waiting for you to get out of the shower."

I was really hoping that he wouldn't mention the underwear that I wore yesterday. It wasn't my fault. I hadn't done laundry and Alice had bought this for me at Victoria Secret. That was definitely not my kind of store. Normally I would get any under clothing or clothes at Walmart, Target, and Sears. Stores like that.

"So Bella, you know what I wear, so what do you wear."

He had backed me up into the bed that he had bought for me and I fell back onto it. Even this did not stop his approach. He just crawled onto the bed and held himself over me. .

"Well."

"Why do you need to know?"

"It would only be fair to me. I mean you could tease me or tell everyone in school that I wear boxers. If you did then it would only be fair that I could do the same don't you think."

I leaned up and caught his mouth in a passionate kiss. It caught him off guard and he leaned in to deepen the kiss, but I moved out from under him and ran to the door. Of course I tripped and nearly knocked myself out, but Edward was still on the bed just looking down.

"That was mean and unfair."

"You want to know what kind of underwear I wear?" He looked confused, if he said no then itmight offend me and if he said the yes then it would make it seem like he was coming on to me. If he said nothing then he would just be walking into an even worse answer bin. In the end he decided to be kiddish.

"You saw mine."

"Well you will have to catch me first." At this I threw open the door and Alice was waiting on the other side. She picked me up and ran me downstairs. I heard Edward running down the stairs.

"Put her down Alice."

"No way." She ran into Edward's car and started it. A second before I closed my door, Edward ran down the porch and started after the car. Alice floored the gas and we were out of there.

"That was amazing." I was panting and all I had done was run and be picked up. I needed to exercise more. I can't have myself looking fat and ugly next to my perfect boyfriend and his perfect family.

Alice's cellphone went off and she answered it.

"Hello." After hearing who it was, there was a pause and then she put the phone on speaker.

"Give me back my girlfriend Alice."

"Why? She willingly came with me and she was the one who wanted to go. See she needed some time with her best friend rather then the boyfriend that is with her every waking moment of her soon to be over life."

"Shut up Alice." There was an undertone of growls.

"What? She will no sooner or later. Especially with that thing that you are going to-"

"Alice does the word surprise mean nothing to you."

"Only sometimes."

"Well let it be one of those times."

"Fine, but you had better hurry up."

"Would it make you feel better if I did it today while you are out?"

"Yes."

"Fine then. I will."

"Will what?"

"You will find out later Bella, since you decided that you want to spend more time with Alice then with me."

"I don't, but I needed to do something and you couldn't be there for it. It's private."

"Oh really. And what pray tell is that."

"You'll have to wait to find out."

"Fine then Bella." I could practically see him stick his tongue out at me.

"Don't stick your tongue out at me."

"I wasn't."

"Yeah right. I will see you later. I love you."

"Love you too. Bye. Alice don't do anthing to my car." And he hung up the phone.

"So what is he going to do for me Alice?" She shook her head, not even trusting herself to open her mouth. "I am your best friend Alice. You know that you want to tell me." She managed a very strangled no.

"I have promised not to tell you, not even Jasper knows." Wow. If Jasper didn't know then there was no hope for me. "So this plan of yours. I have to say; very not you and very daring. Edward will be surprised."

"Really." She looked at me and smiled and I knew; Edward was going to be very surprised.

**Two Hours Later**

I slowly walked into the house with my newly bought and freshly wrapped surprise.

"Hello."

A second later I was attacked by Jasper and Emmet.

"Hi Bella."

"Ummm hi guys. Is Edward here?"

"Yes, but we are not allowed to let you go upstairs until he says so."

"Oh really. What happens if I do?" I made a move to the right, towards the stairs and Emmet picked me up and put me upside down.

"What are you doing?"

"Protecting me, Jasper, and your eyes."

"My eyes?"

"Yes, your eyes. No we do not know what he is doing, so you can't ask us. We are as clueless asyou are."

"Alice knows and she didn't even tell you Jasper, so there is no way that she is going to tell. Believe me, I have been tryingfor two hours."

A second later there was a squeal and Alice ran down the stairs.

"Edward is ready for you Bella."

I nodded and was let down from Emmet's hold. Once I found my land legs, as much as I can anyway, I made my way up the stairs and to the door of Edward's room. I knocked and he said to come in, so I opened the door.

I gasped. In front of me was Edward, who was kneeling on one knee, with two packages in front of him. That was not what made me gasp though. What made me gasp was that he was kneeling in front of me in nothing, but boxers.

"What are you doing?" I said this to cover up the fact that I was gawking at his perfect body. Life was so unfair.

"Well I was going to give you a present and you seemed to like my boxers so much the last time that I decided to add 1 happiness with another."

I blushed a deep russet color and was sure that it would never leave.

"Well let me have you open your present first."

"Okay." I walked up to him and then handed him the package. He opened it and stared at the hot pink heart boxers that I had just bought him.

He laughed and then looked down. "Not really my color is it." That sent us both off and we laughed for a good long time. I looked at him and we cracked up again. After calming down, he finally said.

"Now, for your present."

I sat down in front of him and he told me to stand. I did and then waited. Instead of having me open the package, he did.

"Aren't I supposed to do that?"

"Not this time."

A second later there was a see threw black lacy, bra and panty set in front of me. My face burned so brightly that I felt my temperature raise a few degrees.

"What is this?"

"What it looks like."

"Why?"

"Because this is pay back, now I know what kind of underwear you wear, because I bought it."

"How did you even know my size?"

"Alice told me and then might have possibly suggested some shops and brands."

"Alice did this?"

"Yes."

"I am going to find a way to kill her. I swear it."

There was a tinkling laugh from downstairs and then followed by a very loud deep chuckle that came from Emmet.

"What is the other thing?"

"Let me get it for you." At first I thought maybe he had finally decided to change me and marry me, because he was down on one knee and had a small box in one hand holding it out to me. I opened the box and inside was a folded up piece of paper. I opened it and saw that it was a………………………… Victoria Secret gift certificate.

"Edward…. What the-"Before I got to finish he had his jeans on and ran down the stairs. I just rolled my eyes and then decided to threaten his prized possession.

"Oh Edward, so how much do you love these CD's."

"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."

All I did was laugh as I heard him running up the stairs. He appeared in the door a second later.

"Anything, but the CD's."

"You are so easy."

"But. Well. It took me a very long time to get all of those."

"That wasn't very nice of you. Go and get my hopes up and then tarnish them."

"Oh because you wanted me to do this."

All of a sudden he was kneeling in front of me on one knee with a ring in a box.

"Will you marry me Isabella Swan?"

"Yes, you big idiot." With that he picked me up and swung me around. After a brief, but passionate kiss, he slipped the ring onto my finger. "It's beautiful."

"No, you are."

He hugged me and then spoke into my ear. "Now I get to see that underwear that I bought for you, on you." A second after that sunk in, he ran off and down the stairs.

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, you get back here." All I heard was a laugh and then I did the only thing that I could. I laughed with him. After all, I was getting married to the love of my life and going to spend eternity with him. What more could I possibly want?"

**AN2: I know that this is not the funniest thing and I know that the first was probably funnier, but this was stuck in my head and I had to get it out. I hope that maybe you liked it because I wrote it after getting out of the hospital. This is why it may not be the best thing in best thing in the world. Please review and tell me what you think.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine**

**Authors Note: Yet another chapter. I am not sure how funny this will be, so just go along with it. I hope that it does not disappoint.**

"Whatever you do you can not get married in your underwear." Just then Carlisle came in.

"Why is my son getting married, and not allowed to do so in his underwear?" He thought about that for a second and then just shook his head. "Just explain and I will get it along the way."

"Edward decided to stop being an ass and finally proposed to Bella."

From the other room we heard Esme yell, "Emmet, language."

"Ha ha Emmet, you have gotten in trouble twice and that means that we win."

"Win what?"

"Well Edward, Jasper and I were betting to see who would get in trouble the most in the least amount of time."

"And you won?"

"Yes, but only because Edward cheats."

"Do not."

"It's not fair if you spend most of your time outside of the house."

"It's not my fault that you don't take your girl out." There was a thump.

"You never take me out." Edward smirked at Emmet.

"Pay up Emmy." That did it. The next second I was thrown over Edward's shoulder and he was running for his life.

"Come back here Eddy. I have a surprise for you."

"Emmet take it outside." Edward ran outside and Emmet was right behind him because he had been closer to the door. When he saw that he had the advantage he changed tactics. Instead of chasing Edward he went after me. Now I have to say that that was not fair. Edward had put me down and I was making my way back to the house, content to watch from the porch when I heard him. I took off, well aware that I would most likely trip before he got to me.

Of course I was right and a second later I tripped. The unfortunate thing is that Emmet was right behind me, so I took him down with me. Edward had seen that he was after me instead so he was right behind Emmet, so he fell too. Emmet tripped and landed on his face in the dirt. Edward tried to avoid tripping but this tactic did not work. Instead he landed on me and we rolled. Emmet had rolled onto his back and so we rolled onto him.

In the end, I was squished between Emmet and Edward. I would never be able to face a sandwich again without thinking about how the inside piece felt. The others had come to see what had happened because we had cause a large crash.

"It's a Bella sandwich." This came from Alice who then burst out laughing. It was infectious. We all started laughing. The second that we started to calm down we would start all over again because the situation was just so funny.

"Edward you could get off Bella and save it for the honeymoon. That way I can get up." Edward growled but complied. He helped me up and then Emmet got up. We were all about to go when there was a sickening rip. Mortified I looked down and saw that I had ripped another pair of jeans, but this was worse. I had a tear in the bottom of the jeans and had stepped in it. Apparently this was enough so that when I stepped and lifted my leg up the entire leg came off.

The jeans had had some rips already near the top of the leg and inside the thigh so it was pretty easy to rip. These were my play jeans, but apparently this was not good enough when you play with vampires, that play rough.

I love those jeans. I had had them for years, but at that point I did not care. The leg had pooled at my sneaker and I knew without even thinking about it that I was blushing. This was not helped by the very loud whistles let out by Emmet and Jasper. Edward growled at them and then stood in front of me.

"I got my wish."

"And what was that."

"I know what kind of underwear you wear when Alice hasn't picked it out for you." This made me blush even more. "Give me a second and I will get some pay back." He turned away from me and faced his family. "Emmet, Jasper come here and apologize to Bella."

"Do you promise not to hit us?"

"Yes I promise, now come over here."

They walked over warily and finally reached us.

"We are sorry Bella, for embarrassing you like that and swear that we will not do it again."

Emmet whispered, "Today." Jasper hit him upside his head. "Ow fine, never."

"I accept your apology, but."

"But what."

"But Edward wants revenge." The next thing they both knew, Edward had ripped Emmet's and Jasper's pants. While they had been talking he had tied both of their shoes together which I thought was quite a thing because Emmet was wearing boots and Jasper was wearing semi-casual shoes. They tried to move apart, but in the end they fell because they moved in different directions. A second later they were both flat on there backs.

We all burst out laughing.

"Serves you right."

"I told you he wanted revenge."

"Nice underwear Emmet." The next thing we knew Emmet had taken off his shoe and was chasing Alice all around the front yard.

"Emmet, no. I was just kidding. EEEKKK." We all just laughed. Emmet caught her and hung her upside down.

"Don't you dare hurt my wife." Jasper growled from the floor.

"Oh like maybe letting go of her skirt." Alice had been wearing a skirt, but Emmet had been holding it in his hand along with her ankles. A second later he let it go and it was hanging around her head.

"EMMET!" Thankfully she was wearing average every day underwear and not something lacey and bought at Victoria Secret. In the end Alice was dropped and Emmet got tossed on the floor by Jasper. Edward and I collapsed laughing on the floor.

"You know Edward it would only be fair if all of us were in our under clothing." His eyes flashed and then he attempted to run.

"Oh no you don't." Emmet grabbed him and then Jasper and Alice got his pants off. We all collapsed laughing. A flash went off. Once we recovered from the sudden light we were left wondering what it was.

"That was such a family moment."

"She took a picture."

"Esme hand over the camera and then slowly step away."

"Nope, that was priceless. There is no way that I am letting that go." It started to drizzle. "Bella, you should go inside before you get sick. We can't have a sick bride. It would be bad to say I do and sneeze all over Edward." Emmet had a thought and then ran inside and grabbed Rosalie who had been changing.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH."

"Now the family is complete." Esme took another picture and then ran inside. We spent the rest of our time gathering what was left of our clothes and heading inside. If only other things were solved as easily. I still had to plan the wedding and somehow manage not to get caught up in another battle of the underwear's. I had to admit that it was fun and the Cullen's sure did know how to have fun, and play jokes on one another.

"So Emmy you still owe me my money." This started a battle of who could run away fastest. I just rolled my eyes and walked upstairs to change my clothes. They would never change, but I would not have it any other way. They were my family and there was nothing I could do about it, and really; why would I. I had a family that I would spend eternity with, that knew how to have fun, how to take care of each other and when to help. They may not be human, but there was never a better family. Related or not.

**AN: LOL. That was fun. So I guess that there will be most likely one more chapter with the wedding. Maybe two. Emmet is the one getting them in trouble so why should that stop, but then again. Well we always have a speech that the best man says. I am going to enjoy writing this. If anyone has any suggestions, I will be very happy to receive them. Please review so that I know what is going on with the way that you think that this is going.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Twilight does not belong to me.**

**Authors Note: I know that it has been so long since I have updated and I am so sorry, but for those of you reading this, thanks for caring and those of you tuning in, thanks for reading.**

"So Edward, have you decided who is going to be the best man?" Emmett called from outside the door.

I was sitting on Edward's couch and trying to figure out who was going to be invited to the wedding and who wasn't and trying not to go insane from the argument that had been going on for days. I didn't want a big wedding but I think that Alice and Rosalie were not going to go along with that. They told me that if I could come up with something 'suitable' then they would agree. It had been easy to choose my maid of honor: it was Alice. The only problem that we really seemed to have is that Edward could not decide who was going to be the best man.

"No, and no Emmett you are not going to come in."

"Why not? Perhaps I could aid your decision by telling you all the pros to choosing me and not Jasper." Edward growled from his position on the floor with a book, but I simply laughed.

"Maybe they should have a contest to see who would make the better best man. Carlisle can be the judge and that way you all can stop arguing."

"I agree with Bella," yelled Emmett from the hall. There was the sound of feet and then Alice's voice came from the hallway.

"Jasper said that he doesn't want to be your best man."

Edward got up and opened the door to reveal Emmett sitting on the floor and Alice leaning against the wall.

"What do you mean he doesn't want to be my best man? I'm supposed to choose, he can't take himself out of the equation." I wasn't sure if Edward was mad because he didn't get to choose or because he had been planning on choosing Jasper all along and merely was toying with Emmett.

Some where from the house Jaspers voice echoed, "I can so."

"Can not."

"I am tired of the insanity and Emmett wants the job a lot more then I do so he can have it." Edward muttered something under his breath that made Alice smack him on the arm lightly.

"Fine." He seemed to have resigned himself to the fate of Emmett being the best man. "You can be my best man Emmett."

After doing the strangest happy dance that I couldn't describe to save my life, he hugged Edward. "I'm going to be the best man. I'm going to be the best man. I'm going to be the best man. I'm going to be the best man. I'm going to be the best man. I'm going to be the best man. I'm going to-" Edward shut the door and then locked it.

"Hey!" Several moments later I heard Emmett walk down the hall still singing about being the best man. After turning to me Edward sighed and sat next to me. I put the list that I had down and leaned on his arm.

"Where you going to pick Jasper?"

"I don't know." He sighed again. "I wish that I had a choice though."

"There, there. I am sure that Alice won't let us get married only once. You can choose Jasper next time." I thought for a minute and then gasped.

"What's wrong Bella?"

"Edward, Emmett has to make a speech."

"I know that."

"Emmett has to make a speech in front of the people that we invite."

"Usually, yes. Why is that such a big deal?" I watched as he sat and thought for a moment and then he understood. "I'll be right back."

After I nodded he ran out of the room and down the hall. While waiting for him I picked up the list. So far I had the Cullen family, my mother, my father, Phil, Angela, and Jessica. I wanted to invite Jacob and Billy, but I thought that I shouldn't because of the whole they don't like vampire thing. I started to tune out though and so when Alice came in she startled me. I almost fell off of the couch but didn't. Hah take that gravity, I won this round.

"Bella why are you talking to gravity?"

"I said that out loud." I blushed a dark red and tried to think of something that would sound some what plausible and came up with nothing. "I've got nothing." Alice just nodded.

"Alice did Jasper's decision have anything to do with you. Maybe something that you saw."

"No." She looked guilty.

"Alice."

"I am not telling you cause then you will tell Edward."

"It's my wedding, you have to tell me."

"No."

"Please Alice." I pouted and I could see that she was going to cave, but then Edward came in.

"I made Emmett promise that he had to have me and Carlisle read over his speech before he read it." He then noticed Alice was here. "What are you doing here Alice?"

"I live here."

"What are you doing in my room?"

"Talking to Bella."

"About what."

"About whether or not she wanted to be registered at Victoria Secret or not." I wasn't sure who was more disturbed by what Alice had said, me or Edward, but because I was such a dark red and Edward was only looking mildly horrified, I think that I won.

"No Alice."

"See that wasn't so hard." She danced out of the room humming the wedding march and closed the door.

I wasn't sure who said it, but it summed up the situation that we were in rather well. "What have we gotten out selves into?"

**AN2: I know that this wasn't as funny as the other chapters and that there wasn't as much underwear, but I promise that Emmett will make it all better. I am not sure when I will update again but I can promise you that I will. I hope that you liked it as always, and please review. Comments are appreciated and suggestions are welcome because if you have an idea that is better then mine then I will use it, give you the credit for the idea and update faster. Everyone wins. LOL. **

**Love, passionfornight**


	5. Authors Note

This is **NOT** bad news. I am going to continue this story, but I am a little bit confused on what I am going to write for the next chapter. I am so so so so so so sorry that I haven't updated in five months. I promise to give you all a chapter this month as soon as possible. What I want to know is what do you all think that I should write next. Torture Edward some more, rehearsal dinner, or cut to the chase (wedding). You all tell me, or throw in a suggestion.

I want to thank all of you who are still reading this after so long, since the beginning. I would also like to thank anyone who is just joining us here at the vertex of the insanity of my mind. So many thank you's to anyone that reviewed. I love reading them and I am sorry if I haven't replied. I try to reply to all of them, but sometimes I can't. Tell me what you think, please. The faster you tell me then the faster the chapter gets written.

-passionfornight


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:**** Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and I ****don't**** own ****Teletubbies**

**Authors Note: ****I**** know that everyone is so glad that I am updating again. By almost unanimous decision, I am going to torture Edward some more.**

After staying up for several hours with nothing but bridal magazines and a seating chart to keep me company I walked down the stairs towards the kitchen when a yell echoed through the house. In an instant it was followed by a booming laughter.

"EMMETT CULLEN!!!"

"I'm innocent, I swear!"

Alice danced merrily out of the living room and then up the stairs. While I was curious about what had happened I was also wary. It seemed that whenever there was a prank at the Cullen household, I ended caught up in the middle so this time I wisely watched and listened.

"Oh Emmett," she sang sweetly. "You should know something about school on Monday. It's very important and I thought that you should know before we went."

"What did you do Alice?"

"Me, nothing. However Jasper and Edward on the other hand might have possible decided that a little bit of revenge was in order for that stunt you pulled the other week."

Emmett appeared from behind a door and stuck his head out. "What stunt?"

Edward was looking on with distaste and disbelief from the door of his room. "Oh I don't know. It could have been the time when you rigged silly string to spray all over Bella when she opened her locker, or when you gave Jasper's clothes to the girls in gym so he only had a towel. Oh or when you posted an ad in the school newspaper that said I was giving out free hugs to anyone who asked for a week in order to boost school spirit."

Emmett smiled and then looked off. "That was one of the best stunts that I have ever pulled."

Looking on with distaste, Edward grimaced. "I'm sure."

Esme was walking down the hall, but when she saw us, there she stopped. "Why are you all acting suspicious?"

"We're not acting suspicious mommy." Emmett attempted to look innocent and instead came off as owlish.

"Emmett what did you do?"

"Nothing."

"Let me rephrase the question. Emmett what are you planning on doing?"

"Nothing," and then he quietly added, "Today." He walked back into his room and then came back out holding a piece of paper. "I was just going to give Edward my speech."

Edward who was leaning against the wall stood up. "You finished it already?"

"I have been working very hard on it." Walking over to Emmett Edward took the sheet of paper from him, and scanned it. As he got further and further down the page his eyes narrowed, his lips thinned and his grip on the paper increased. "I'll have you know that I worked very hard on this. I put time and effort into it." At my look he amended, "Well effort anyway." By the time that Edward had reached the bottom, I was sure that Emmett was dead. Sure enough, Edward looked up at Emmett. When he met Emmett eyes, he took off and Edward followed close behind.

When Edward had run off, he had dropped the paper. Walking from my place by the wall, I picked it up to read it. After scanning the first few lines, my face heated up and I knew that I was blushing furiously. Alice danced over to me, curious as to what the paper said.

"Emmett would make a very good script writer."

"Really. He never gave that impression to anyone else." She glanced over me shoulder and started reading. "Oh." I was sure that if she could, even she would be blushing. "He is very…creative." This time it sounded like she was laughing.

From the woods, a girlish scream echoed. Alice looked sad at the sound, but accepting.

"There goes Mondays plan."

"What was the plan?"

"I can't tell you."

"Why?"

"Because Edward and Jasper wouldn't tell me the entire plan."

"Can't you see the future?"

"They wouldn't make up their minds so it kept on changing. All I know is that something was going to happen." She pouted and then smiled. "They had some really good ideas though. Maybe now they will use one of the other plans."

"LET ME OUT!"

Esme looked out the window worriedly. "Where is Emmett?"

"Locked in a cage, hanging from a tree."

Carlisle walked up the stairs and looked around. "Why are we all standing in the stairway?"

"Edward and Jasper were planning on a great trick that they wouldn't tell me about, or make up their minds. Then Emmett wrote a porn script as the best man speech, Edward read it and chased him out of the tree in a cage. Overall we have had a very productive day." I spent a moment thinking over that and then decided that it made sense. Alice really should learn how to breathe while speaking even if she does not need to.

"All that in one day and underwear wasn't even involved. I'm pleasantly surprised."

An arm curled around my waist and I would have jumped out of my skin except the arm turned out to be Edward and he held me down. "You spoke to soon. Currently Emmett is sitting in a cage with nothing on except for his underwear. I brought pictures for the human." I thumped him on the arm and he even had the thought to look as if it hurt him.

"That wouldn't be a problem if you had changed me a long time ago."

"Well that won't be a problem much longer, will it?" He grinned and then said, "You should be thanking me. We could have run to see Emmett and we all know how much you like that."

I sighed but nodded. "Thank you oh wonderful Edward. I worship the ground you walk on."

"I am going to ignore the sarcasm and take the gratitude."

"Take what you will from it."

"I am."

"Shut up."

"Make me." I leaned up and kissed him.

"Ta-da."

"Well I got a free kiss out of the deal. Personally I think that I got the better half of the deal."

"Shut up."

Alice looked over my shoulder again. "Oh look she's going to kiss him again."

Edward hung his head. "Alice."

Carlisle cleared his throat and looked at Edward. "Perhaps you should go and let Emmett out of the cage." Blinking he looked confused for a moment and then said, "I never thought that I would ever say that."

"As a vampire you get all sorts of opportunities normal people don't get Carlisle."

"Isn't it time for you to go to bed Bella."

I glanced at my watch and then away. After a moment, I looked back down at my watch. "It's two o'clock in the morning."

"Time for Bella bye-bye. Time for Bella bye-bye."

"I am going to ignore the fact that that sounded like the Telletubbies and go to bed."

"Good night Bella."

"Night guys." I went to Edwards's room and laid down on the bed that he had gotten. Even though it was late, I could not sleep. Edward came in a moment later and lay down next to me.

"Edward do you know what just occurred to me."

"What?"

"I am going to marry you, move out of my dads house, and move in with your parents."

"And."

"I find that odd."

"Go to bed Bella."

"Fine."

"Don't be like that Bella."

"Like what?"

"As if you were upset at me."

"I am."

"Well don't be."

"Grrr."

"Don't growl at me."

"You growl at me."

"I am more intimidating."

"What is your point?"

"That you shouldn't do it because you aren't good at it." I was offended but not really.

"Fine then, I won't….until I have practiced then we will see who is better at growling."

"I love you Bella." Sighing I snuggled into his side.

"I love you too Edward."

**AN2: ****I**** was writing this and noticed that my writing style has changed, and look there is less humor. ****Sorry people but there wasn't**** much hilarity that I could think of. Any thoughts on a good scene, and tell ****me****. This chapter was a lot longer then usual so enjoy ****it ,**** savor it, hope that I remember to update. ****I**** fulfilled my promise though, and go this up before December. Hope that everyone had a great Thanksgiving.**** Please review ****guys****. It gives ****me**** incentive to update.**

**-****passionfornight**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine. It never has been and it never will be. Oh and the other things that are copyrighted in this chapter aren't mine either. If you recognize the name then it is not mine.**

**AN: Yes I am a horrible person who left this for over a year, but when inspiration is gone, inspiration is gone. PLEASE READ THE AUTHORS NOTE AT THE BOTTOM!!!**

So of course there is the planning of the wedding, the ordering of everything you need, sending out of invitations and then the actual thing. The one thing that I forgot about was the wedding gifts. As a nice thing to do, and as per tradition, people buy gifts for the newly engaged couple. This is usually stuff that they ask for to help start their new life. Things like blenders, pots, dish sets and the like. Of course life is much harder when you know that you aren't going to use any of the things that they buy you. Really, what would a vampire do with a toaster? On second though I really didn't want to know.

Edward thought that we should just let people get what they will, but I was of a different opinion.

"That is a waste of money."

"They want to do it. It's tradition."

"But it isn't going to make a difference. Most of what they buy us is never going to be used. The only thing that could get used is linens, and shower curtain rings and those are not typical wedding gifts."

"Bella we have to let them do it. If nothing else, then if times get hard, we can pawn it all off." In response I glared. The chances of hard times falling on the Cullen's was less likely than world peace. Suffice to say, I lost that argument.

So of course I was registered everywhere and when I say me I mean Alice registered me everywhere. When it comes to arguing with either Edward and Alice there is no winning, only stages of losing.

The day that the first gift came in I thought that Alice might actually explode from the excitement. She was literally vibrating with joy. You would think that she was the one getting married.

"Is it here? It should be here by now. I saw it come. Why isn't it here?" Manic vampires are scary by the way. Never get in their way. I was hoping that perhaps there was a shift in the universe and Alice had seen wrong, but no such luck because a moment later Edward walked inside holding a box addressed to a Ms. Isabella Swan. That was what was written on the invitations. Another argument that I had lost.

"Let's open it in the living room. I want to get pictures." With that we walked into the living room and Alice all but flew upstairs to get the camera. In the 20 seconds that it took Edward and I to sit down, Alice was back with her precious camera which was of course, state of the art.

"Alice I am sure that this is not the last time that we are going to get married."

"Yes, but you only get married for the first time once. Everything should be special and well documented."

"Meaning?"

"Lots of pictures. Someday you are going to thank me for this. We will look back on this day a hundred years from now and you will think 'Thank god Alice was there to capture this moment.'"

"I'm sure that is exactly what I will be saying."

"Could we please get this over with and open the damn gift already."

"I agree with Emmett." This had to be the first time that Jasper had ever agreed with anything Emmett did or said. Come to think of it, this was the first time that I had seen Jasper impatient about anything which was saying a lot since we did more things together now that he was more comfortable with me.

"You only say that because you want Alice all to yourself and not spending every moment thinking about this wedding." In response Jasper just growled, but what surprised me was that Edward giggled. Everyone looked at him oddly.

"I'm sorry, but it was funny. Jasper was thinking just that. Alice has been spending every moment thinking about the wedding. Just the other day they were in their room and mid kiss Alice jumps up because she forgot to call the florist back." Emmett let out a bark like laugh at that. "Jasper being jealous is new for me to hear. Please continue." If looks could kill then Edward would be mildly toasted.

"Alright I will open the gift." This meant that Edward would open the gift and then let me open the box that it came in. We weren't looking for a repeat incident of my birthday. Jasper had better at self control, but it wasn't perfect.

"Wait! I want a picture of you both holding the box." We held the box but Alice laughed and told us that it was upside down. After we flipped it right side up she took the picture and then gestured to the box. "Continue."

"Thank you for your permission to open my gift."

"No need to get all grrr. Remember that everything that I am doing is for you."

"I always wanted to be driven insane."

"Please just open the box"

"Why are you so whiny today Emmett?" Edward laughed again.

"You really don't want to know that answer to that question Bella." I blushed and nodded.

Edward opened the box to reveal a very nicely wrapped present. A very large, heavy nicely wrapped present. Done in shining white paper, and white ribbon it was very beautiful. "Now I don't want to open it. It's too pretty."

Rolling her eyes Alice to a picture of the box. "The picture will last longer, now please open it so that I can see what it is."

"Technically you already saw what it is so we don't actually need to open the box."

"Edward Cullen I swear that if you don't open that box then you are going to go the wedding in nothing more than a pair of boxers because all of your clothes are going to 'inconveniently' disappear."

"Like you would let that happen Alice." Snowballs chance in hell to be exact. No wedding that Alice plans would ever be without proper attire.

"Open the damn box."

"Now who is the grrr one Alice."

Huffing slightly at having to deal with dramatic, over the top, grouchy vampires, I slowly pulled the paper away from the box and then gasped. There was no way that they would do this. No way on Earth. Distantly I heard the click of the camera and saw the flash. Considering what the gift was I was very happy that Alice had the camera. As soon as that picture was developed I was going to take this one and frame it. Although I couldn't see Edwards face I could imagine what it looked like. Now I would have documented proof.

"You have got to be kidding me."

"Nope. Emmett got it done the other day." Inside the box was a small headstone for me. It wasn't full sized, but it was made of the same smooth marble that a full sized one would be. Once Edward read the headstone, he growled at Emmett. Now in this case if looks could kill, Emmett would be six feet under. Although morbid and kind of creepy it was a very appropriate gift considering what would happen after the wedding. Well after the honeymoon part of the wedding. I refused to give up my honeymoon.

"I was thinking that we could put it out front on the wedding day." Alice did not agree with this plan. If she had been alive, the vein in her temple would have been twitching. I was pretty sure that a headstone would clash with the perfect wedding she was planning for me.

"We are not doing that. Never and if you even try, that prank that we played on Edward will seem like nothing. Less than nothing even."

Emmett looked off. "That was good."

Edward didn't agree. "You really should pay for that."

I was confused. "What are you talking about?"

Jasper was the one to explain this time, which is good because otherwise it would have seemed even more unbelievable then it already did.

"Every year Edward and Emmett would play a prank on each other on their birthday. One year, and this was the last year that we ever did it, Emmet played the ultimate and worst prank on Edward ever. Now vampires cannot generally be subdued, but there are some more questionable people out there who do sell gear that can withstand vampire strength, however, as that is not a part of the story that needs to be told let's move on. Emmett snuck up on Edward one day and managed to chain him to a chair. Then he took the chair and put it in a room. After that he-"

"Can you please tell this story in a way that doesn't have so many transitions?"

"Be that way. Emmett took the chair and put it into a carefully prepared room in an insane asylum," this earned a glare from Alice, "and then locked the door. Now Edward has never liked television very much; doesn't find any true value in it, which is of course, how Emmett thought of his 'grand' prank in the first place."

"So what did he do?"

"Locked Edward in there for a week or so with repeats of a compilation of children's shows (Telletubbies, Barney, The Magic School Bus, etc.)"

For the worst Cullen prank ever that was rather anticlimactic. "That doesn't sound so bad."

"Well then Emmett might have possible smashed Edward's piano into rather small pieces, and then set the pieces on fire and danced around it."

At the reminder Edward growled and held me closer to his person. I had a feeling that a new round of pranks would be going around soon. People do say that you shouldn't drag the past up. "Is there any particular reason why he decided to do something so cruel." Or why Emmett was still alive.

"Who knows. That was years ago. All I know is that Edward deserved everything that I gave. Except maybe the dancing and the fire and possible the tearing to pieces of the instrument." So nothing then.

"So you don't remember why you did what you did but you did it all the same."

"Yes."

Rolling my eyes I sighed. "Vampires. Please continue Jasper."

"Edward eventually managed to look pathetic enough that Alice let him go and he went after Emmett, but he was expecting that to happen so he and Rosalie took a 'trip.'"

"And Edward just let him get away with that? Seriously?!"

"Well Emmett might have come home to discover that he no longer was able to play any VHS tapes or game consoles. Partly because they were destroyed and partly because Edward had done rather…uncivilized things to the ones that survived. The lesson of this story is that you should not mess with the things that people love and if you do then you should leave the continent with _all _of your possessions."

"_And_ that is why you should never smash Edward's piano. Or let Emmett get anywhere near people who are of questionable nature that then sell him questionable items."

"Thank you for that helpful input Alice."

There was an awkward silence after that which was alright because it gave me time to digest. It seems that people really did get smarter over time, even if they weren't technically alive still. They had all gotten a lot better at pranking each other. More funny and less cruel, which I knew could be a very hard balance to maintain. An odd thought struck me. So odd that I didn't have time to stop myself from saying it, which I would later regret.

"What ever happened to the chains?"

"They were used for recreational purposes."

"Please lie to me next time Emmett."

**AN2: I am the worst person in the world, and I am sure that you all agree with me at this point. It has been well over a year since my last update, and now I put up something that I am not even proud of and I really need you all to tell me what you think. It has been so long since I wrote anything worth reading that I am not even sure that I know how to anymore, so I need your guys' help. Do you feel that I should continue this or let it lie. Personally I am leaning towards the latter. I am just not that into the story anymore, and after this chapter I am sure that you guys aren't either. Please review or send me an email, or a PM. Anything would be appreciated. If the majority decides not to continue then I won't but is they choose for me to do so then I can't guarantee that it will be A) good or B) fast. Thank you everyone for sticking with the story so far, and I hope that you respect me enough that you will let me know what you wish for me to do. **

**-passionfornight**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: No I don't own Twilight.**

The wedding was worth all of the pain and suffering. Being able to stand in front of friends and family and pledge myself to Edward was worth walking to hell and back for. The ceremony was a blur though. I know that I didn't trip, or injure myself or others, which was a miracle in and of itself.

But I remember walking up the aisle that there was never a moment when I had felt happier. Edward's face was the picture of perfection and everything that I hoped to see, and I knew that for once I mirrored him perfectly. We both wondered how we had come this far, and all of the trials that it took to get here. We wondered at how we had managed to find our other halves; the one person who completed us.

I don't remember the vows, other than the feelings behind them. There were promises to love each other forever, and a pointed lack of the phrase, 'til death do us part.' Somehow that made everything even more real. There wasn't anything that would part us.

The reception was surprisingly fun though. I enjoyed cutting the cake and feeding some to Edward. Mostly it was fun though because of all the food that the Cullen's couldn't eat, but did anyway. That is true family solidarity. They love you enough to eat something that would require them to get sick later.

As we were waiting for the speech from the best man though I became suddenly nervous. Emmett had had the speech pre-approved by Carlisle, but hadn't let Edward read it. All we could hope for at this point is that there wasn't an ad-libbing.

Sure enough several moments later Emmett gently tapped a glass with a spoon to get everyone's attention.

"Excuse me ladies and gentlemen. I would like to make a toast to the new bride and groom."

Everyone quickly became silent, and turned to watch. Moment of truth.

"I have known Edward for a long time. Sometimes it feels like I have known him for several lifetimes with all the history between us." He threw a smile in his family's direction at that. "And I have never seen Edward show so much devotion, so much love to any one person or thing as much as he has for Bella. When they first met they didn't get along because Edward didn't know what to do with such a beautiful girl, but he got his act together soon enough.

"Bella being the sensible girl that she is made my brother work for this relationship, basing it off the idea that nothing is worth anything unless you work for it. But it all came together beautifully. Now, two years later we are gathered here today to mark the beginning of a new chapter in their lives.

"When I first met Bella I will admit that I was a bit wary of how she would impact our lives, but seeing how happy my brother became, and continued to be I know that nothing better could have happened. If you look at their love you will know what those songs and poems were all about. Now to the happy couple Edward and Bella. May your happiness last forever. May you love each other for all time. May the sex always be exciting. Thank you."

If it weren't for how beautiful the rest of the speech was I would have had to beat Emmett. I knew that he would sneak something in there. After a few more toasts though it was time for dancing. I was proud to say that with quite a bit of help from Edward I was able to make it through several dances without killing us.

The rest of the celebration passed by in a blur. Soon enough it was time for us to leave. I threw the bouquet (Alice caught it) and we bid our goodbyes, some more bittersweet than others. It would be a while before I would see my family again I knew. But that was a price that I was willing to pay.

It was when we walked out to the car that I realized that the Cullen humor would always win over their sense of propriety. There on the back window of Edward's care were the words "Just Married." And across the back window inside the car was a pair or bright red boxers and thong.

But this time I had to fight the urge to smile. This was the family that I had married into. This was the family that I loved. And I wouldn't a change.

The End

**AN: It has been a long road and an even longer time. The people who did review, and thank you to those who did, wished for more. This is what came out. It has been awhile and I find that I no longer know the characters that I once cherished and adored. I no longer knew how to write them, but I couldn't leave this story incomplete. For better or for worse I wrote an ending to a story that I loved. Hopefully you think that it does some justice. Thank you everyone who stuck around for literally years, and thank you to the new people who bothered to read this. It has been a wonderful time. **


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